I'm not going to lie, that is my BIGGEST struggle as a mom. I love these little years so, SO much. I love being needed in their neediest of ways. Feeding Lilah, having Cole needing to be pressed up against me whenever he is watching cartoons, Fin asking me every morning if we can climb back into my bed and snuggle. Snuggle! My oldest boy still loves to unashamedly snuggle with me. Do you know how aware I am that there is a day coming soon when we will cross over to the dark side and he won't ask to do that with me? Although I do admit, that is probably a healthy thing whenever that happens because really, what 25 year old man still snuggles with his mom and is still able to function out in the real world? I challenge you that such a man does not exist.
So I always try to keep that advice in the back of my mind when I get sad looking back at old pictures of their baby cheeks and watching videos with their little raspy baby voices. But there are some things that, I'm sorry Ms. Becky, I will NEVER be ok with...
I will never be ok with the fact that one day Cole will rollerskate on his big boy two legs, not needing to hold my hand and not scooting around on his little butt in a target parking lot exclaiming proudly that he's skating!!
I will never be ok with the fact that one day they won't want to do everything in a pack with each other. Playing at home, playing outside or in restaurants...everywhere we go, we all go together and they play like little puppies with each other. I'm too keenly aware of it right now that our months are numbered when we soonwill be missing our ringleader every day while he's in kindergarten.
I'll never be ok with the fact that one day they won't all fit on one tire swing. That one day their legs will be too long for that. That they'll all know how to pump their legs back and forth without me yelling, "PUMP!!", and will take turns seeing how far each can jump from their swing in mid air. And yes, I will have a heart attack each time they do that. ER visits ain't cheap...this we know too well.
I'll never be ok knowing that one day when we go to visit stores, the kids will all just file in beside us quietly. This may sound appealing now...but also it sounds a little boring. I'm so used to head counting, finding them in racks of clothes, and telling them that NO, Home Depot is not a playground. There is a lot of laughter in this chaos we are in now.
It will never be ok when the time comes to retire the double stroller. I've used a double stroller for the past 3 1/2 years. Its carried my groceries, sometimes 3 kids, bundled up snow babies and sweaty kids sleepy from an afternoon at the pool. My hands will feel naked when they wont have something to push back and forth in a constant sway to keep babies from being restless.
I will never be ok with the fact that they will be so big and tall (stephenson genes) one day and they won't always be small enough to fit in a little play bucket and love every second of water time. Theyll have akward teenage voices and playing with different sizes buckets filled with water probably will no longer keep them occupied for an afternoon, but I probably will still spray them with a hose no matter how old they get they are so there is some comfort in that :o)
I will never be ok with the fact that he won't always be her EVERYTHING. That someday she will look at another guy in that same adoring fashion. That she will follow his every move and be content to just sit near him, like she is with her daddy right now. Lord, PLEASE let him be a man worthy of her. A man who loves you and treasures her for You.
This life is so SO sweet and right, that the future seems insulting to what is right now. But I remind myself that I probably felt this way last year, and the year before that, and so on. And so far it seems to only be getting sweeter so who I am to doubt the One leading us on?
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