There are a lot of articles on social media right now circulating about "mom guilt" and "the mom wars" where mothers are constantly comparing and being compared to other mothers and measuring themselves based on the ideal of the other. Nursing moms vs. Bottlefeeding moms, stay at home moms vs. working moms...the general consensus among everyone seems to be, "can't we all just give each other a break?". No one agrees with this more then I do. I'm all about giving each other grace, encouraging each other as moms with love. Because, aren't we all just doing the best we can?
Except some days, if we're honest with ourselves, we are not really doing the best we can. There are those occasional days when we wake up and have this inner rage where we're like, "Where did that come from??". We snap at our kids and get on them for meaningless things, just because we feel like snapping at someone. We are weary, we haven't had a date night with our husband in awhile, and honestly that sketchy drop in day care down the street that we SWORE we would never step foot in is looking more alluring by the minute.
In those days, in those moments, I am grateful for my husband who keeps me in check. When I'm being snappish at the kids, I can tell by his raised eyebrow, or the way he steps in to help out extra, that it is his subtle way of telling me I'm getting a little cray cray. Sometimes that can make me feel defensive but always I see that my defensiveness is rooted in a truth. I am grumpy, I am tired, I cannot inflict that on my children just because they are there.
In the past week I have seen two separate appalling instances of mothers just screaming at their kids. One at Target, one at Moe's (two of the holiest of places ;o). The woman at Target was a mother of five and had temporarily lost her twins because she was looking at nail polish. She started loudly screaming at her eight year old that he should have been watching them. She berated, she complained loudly, and when she finally found her twins, she over and over told the kids how much work she does and how they make her life so hard. Honestly, everyone in the store was just cringing and looking at each other like, "Is this real life? Does this lady have any idea how horrid she is being?". In her projected complaints she probably thought she was garnering the sympathy of all of us around her but really we were all appalled. Later in the parking lot, I witnessed her smacking one of her kids b/c they weren't getting in their carseat fast enough. I left with a sick stomach, praying God would speak to that woman.
But later, when the incident stuck with me, I felt convicted. I should have said something to that woman. Not out of righteousness or anger, but out of love. If I could do it over again I would have gone up to her and said, "We have all had those days, Motherhood is HARD. But that is enough. It's enough". I'm not saying that it's my place to do that, I don't know if it's anyones place. But when we as humans are out of control, someone needs to remind us to check ourselves. Yes, motherhood is hard, but that is no excuse for any type of abuse or cruelty to our kids. All that is teaching them is lack of self control and to hurt others when we ourselves are hurting.
When my kids are grown up I think I'm going to have an interesting ministry. It will be a hodge podge of holding your newborn baby so you can sleep at night, driving around dropping off casseroles for mothers who are having hard weeks, and watching your kids at the pool so you can lay out in stillness for an hour and collect your thoughts. We as mothers are all in this together, but just as there should be no comparison, there should also be a goal that we are all lovingly holding each other to a higher standard. To strive to teach our children kindness and grace through our actions. And in those moments when we want to lash out at them, we need to keep ourselves in check and maybe get a milkshake instead :o)
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Monday, August 26, 2013
Finley's Five
Happy Birthday to my sweet Finley Patrick. Lover of all things superhero, legos, bugs and swimming.
Finley, you have my heart. You made me a mom, something I always wanted more then anything else in the world. When you exploded into our lives, you were immediately so loved and so rejoiced over by me and your dad. And while I got the hang of the mom thing and the sleepless night thing, you were there with me. We would spend hours a day lying in bed together. Nursing, snuggling, and when you were older I would pull you in bed with me in the morning and hand you a spatula and you would happily chew on that next to me and kick your legs while I woke up slowly.
Almost everytime I nursed you as a baby, I would pull a giant blanket or quilt around us and make a sort of cocoon that we would be relax into. I wanted you to feel the most safe and loved you could feel.
I remember the night before your first birthday. I was just gripped with this fear of you growing up. I rocked you to sleep that night and held you for the longest time, like an hour and a half, just snuggling you and praying over you, and asking time to stop. I didn't want that first year to be over.
We were on a blissful high, your dad and I with you. You were a little third wheel. We went on walks to downtown salem street most nights. Showing you the train, giving you a taste of icecream. You never slept great at nights but after awhile, that was just our new normal and it was ok. We were best friends, the three of us and it was such a sweet time.
And now you're five. And we had a party to celebrate. Five years of parenthood, survival, learning on you and loving on you.
We're still best friends. You make me laugh so much with your quirky old man humor, your insights into things that we just assume someone your age is oblivious to. Your dad and I have to spell out some of our conversations (which we won't be able to do much longer) but you hate not knowing what we're talking about and you'll instantly ask us, "soooo, what did you just say?".
You are loved by so many. Your family, your friends, your Sunday school teachers and Y workers. Everyone seems to get a kick out of you. While you do have some sass that popped up this year that we're trying to help you restrain, you have the sweetest heart towards younger kids and your baby sister. I hope your heart always stays this tender and innocent and I know God is going to use your softness for His good.
Every year you get older I want you to know this. You.Are.Loved. You were wanted and you are a child of God. And He already knows his plans for you and I'm guessing they're pretty big.
As you start school this year, I want you to learn and grow but I also want you to look out for others. For the kid that no one really plays with, for the one that is quiet and shy or homesick. You are a natural leader and I pray you learn how to make the kids feel included when they're feeling akward.
We love you son. We are proud of you and I think this is going to be a great year for you. When I asked you what you were most excited about turning five, you said, "I just think I'm so big. Like I'm just so huge and big now." You are, but you are still my baby Fin.
Love,
Your Mama
Finley, you have my heart. You made me a mom, something I always wanted more then anything else in the world. When you exploded into our lives, you were immediately so loved and so rejoiced over by me and your dad. And while I got the hang of the mom thing and the sleepless night thing, you were there with me. We would spend hours a day lying in bed together. Nursing, snuggling, and when you were older I would pull you in bed with me in the morning and hand you a spatula and you would happily chew on that next to me and kick your legs while I woke up slowly.
Almost everytime I nursed you as a baby, I would pull a giant blanket or quilt around us and make a sort of cocoon that we would be relax into. I wanted you to feel the most safe and loved you could feel.
I remember the night before your first birthday. I was just gripped with this fear of you growing up. I rocked you to sleep that night and held you for the longest time, like an hour and a half, just snuggling you and praying over you, and asking time to stop. I didn't want that first year to be over.
We were on a blissful high, your dad and I with you. You were a little third wheel. We went on walks to downtown salem street most nights. Showing you the train, giving you a taste of icecream. You never slept great at nights but after awhile, that was just our new normal and it was ok. We were best friends, the three of us and it was such a sweet time.
And now you're five. And we had a party to celebrate. Five years of parenthood, survival, learning on you and loving on you.
We're still best friends. You make me laugh so much with your quirky old man humor, your insights into things that we just assume someone your age is oblivious to. Your dad and I have to spell out some of our conversations (which we won't be able to do much longer) but you hate not knowing what we're talking about and you'll instantly ask us, "soooo, what did you just say?".
You are loved by so many. Your family, your friends, your Sunday school teachers and Y workers. Everyone seems to get a kick out of you. While you do have some sass that popped up this year that we're trying to help you restrain, you have the sweetest heart towards younger kids and your baby sister. I hope your heart always stays this tender and innocent and I know God is going to use your softness for His good.
Every year you get older I want you to know this. You.Are.Loved. You were wanted and you are a child of God. And He already knows his plans for you and I'm guessing they're pretty big.
As you start school this year, I want you to learn and grow but I also want you to look out for others. For the kid that no one really plays with, for the one that is quiet and shy or homesick. You are a natural leader and I pray you learn how to make the kids feel included when they're feeling akward.
We love you son. We are proud of you and I think this is going to be a great year for you. When I asked you what you were most excited about turning five, you said, "I just think I'm so big. Like I'm just so huge and big now." You are, but you are still my baby Fin.
Love,
Your Mama
Monday, August 19, 2013
Lilah's Four Months
Sweet baby girl is four, almost five months old now. We had her four month appointment with Dr. Steele and the short version is that she's not starving to death. The long version is that she is 19 lbs, 12 oz and has grown 6 inches in 4 months so she's now 27 1/2 inches long. Shes off the charts in everything. In the last month though I have noticed her losing some of her chubs. I hope she doesn't thin out too quickly though because right now she is head to toe kissable with her soft baby rolls.
Right now she rolls over whenever she is naked. She loves her playmat and her bouncy seat and her all time favorite things are her linkydoos. They hang in her crib, on her mat, bouncy seat and car seat.
She lights.up. when she sees her daddy and if she even hears my voice she will crane and flip her body everywhere trying to see me. We are best friends. She smiles at any and everything and has shown no temper whatsoever. She is easily entertained and honestly is just the most easy going thing to take around with us everywhere. If she gets sleepy while we are out she just takes a quick cat nap in the stroller or carseat and is good to go again. She loves being worn in the carrier and rests with her head on my chest just looking around at everything while I sniff her baby head a million times.
Here she is scratching her brothers head. Fin cuddles with her all the time.
Her one achilles heal is she gets up in the night now, whereas up until 3 months she slept through the night. I can't say I'm surprised, she is a Stephenson baby after all. It doesn't bother me too much but it has made it a little harder not being grumpy in the mornings when I wake up weary from not a lot of sleep. Overall I'm surprised at how normal I can feel and function with so little sleep and I know this is all temporary.
This girl has all of our hearts. My favorite is when I scoop her up and she puts her little soft baby hands around my neck and nuzzles into my neck to smell me. Or when I'm lying next to her in bed in the morning and she is just bursting with smiles at me and twisting her whole body to snuggle closer to mine.
All of my babies make my heart burst with gratitude for how blessed I am. Nothing makes my heart overflow more with pure thanks to The Lord then when I'm nursing Lilah and she's asleep curled into me. God has truly given me my dream.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Round here
Since the wedding we've been doing summery things like hitting up the Y a lot, finally paying off our library tab so we can borrow books again (*sigh* yes mom it's true), and still hitting up the pool a ton.
I finally got to meet my best friend Jenni's little one Amos who has the cutest belly you ever did see. Save this one for the wedding slideshow. I"m calling it.
We have the sweetest old man lifeguard named Ed who lets the boys help him check chemicals at break time. Cole thinks he is the coolest thing ever.
These two have a special sweet connection. Fin would kiss on her all day if I let him. Cole's relationship with her is a little more formal. As in most times he sees her he goes up to her and says, "Hi Lilah, I'm Coley bear". Apparently in his mind she has Alzheimer's.
Sidenote: My niece Kate is the cutest little pixie.
There's a deli/bakery by our house that Pat took us to one morning for breakfast. So so yummy. I smell a tradition...
What happens when Pat's in charge of the baby while I bathe the boys...
Two brothers in a sleeping bag. Grandma gave them one and they both love it so much that Cole sleeps in it for naps and Fin sleeps in it for night time. This is contested every.single.day.
We are so sad as summer winds down that Uncle Will went back to school. He's in highschool now which is a joke because last time I checked, they do not let two year olds in highschool and in my mind, Will is still two years old. That kid is GOLDEN around small children. Biggest help ever.
We aren't wishing away summer at all, especially with as much rain as we've had. I'm still embracing the heat although I'm not gonna lie...I've been day dreaming about skinny jeans and pumpkin patches lately...
I finally got to meet my best friend Jenni's little one Amos who has the cutest belly you ever did see. Save this one for the wedding slideshow. I"m calling it.
We have the sweetest old man lifeguard named Ed who lets the boys help him check chemicals at break time. Cole thinks he is the coolest thing ever.
These two have a special sweet connection. Fin would kiss on her all day if I let him. Cole's relationship with her is a little more formal. As in most times he sees her he goes up to her and says, "Hi Lilah, I'm Coley bear". Apparently in his mind she has Alzheimer's.
Sidenote: My niece Kate is the cutest little pixie.
There's a deli/bakery by our house that Pat took us to one morning for breakfast. So so yummy. I smell a tradition...
What happens when Pat's in charge of the baby while I bathe the boys...
Two brothers in a sleeping bag. Grandma gave them one and they both love it so much that Cole sleeps in it for naps and Fin sleeps in it for night time. This is contested every.single.day.
We are so sad as summer winds down that Uncle Will went back to school. He's in highschool now which is a joke because last time I checked, they do not let two year olds in highschool and in my mind, Will is still two years old. That kid is GOLDEN around small children. Biggest help ever.
We aren't wishing away summer at all, especially with as much rain as we've had. I'm still embracing the heat although I'm not gonna lie...I've been day dreaming about skinny jeans and pumpkin patches lately...
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
When Kiersten got married...
Three down, three to go :) Kiersten got married this past weekend and it couldn't have been a more beautiful time with our close family and friends. My favorite thing about these family weddings is getting to see the Long Island crew and family from all over.
Friday was the bridesmaid luncheon. Lilah and I got all dolled up and headed to my parents for that.
Afterwards we got our nails done with the bride.
When I got home I gave the boys their ring bearer gifts. Lucky me, two more nerf guns were introduced into the house :) you can guess who was hunted with those.
Friday night we were sooo blessed that Jamie and David kept the boys for us while we headed to the rehearsal dinner. Of course we had to dress the cousins alike in outfits from Colleen. Here's Kate (8 weeks) and Lilah (4 months)
Saturday Jamie and I headed over to my parents house for a lunch for everyone and then Jamie did an amazing job on my, Sarah's, Caits and Anna's hair for the wedding. It was fun to all hang out before the wedding craziness. My sisters dubbed Jamie an honorary Keegan now, although her blonde curly hair might give her away.
Lilah caught some beauty sleep on the way to the farm.
Cousins hanging out and cooling off before the wedding
Lets get this party started...
NC State garter for the groom as a surprise :)
Pat taught the flower girls and ring bearers a little game called, "hit Uncle Will with the cornhole bean bags".
Bride and groom with Fin and Emily.
Daddy daughter dance
Cole and Cait in love. I hate that I didn't get a pic of the boys in their bow ties before they took them off because they were edible cute. But I saw the photographer take like a bajillion pics of their cuteness so I'm sure to see some soon :)
Dance party
Um love this pic. We stinking love Mrs Lostrito.
Daddy's tie.
Day after exhaustion at brunch. Missing the Mrs.
Lilah passed out on Nanny at the wedding amidst the loud dance music and cake eating. Such a sweetie.
The boys were some of the first to hit the dance floor and the last to leave. Fin and Emily made every song a slow song and danced to them in a hilarious "do they know they're cousins?" kind of way. We ended the weekend fried and happy. So blessed to see the love between Kier and Sam in such a sweet country wedding.
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