Finley, you have my heart. You made me a mom, something I always wanted more then anything else in the world. When you exploded into our lives, you were immediately so loved and so rejoiced over by me and your dad. And while I got the hang of the mom thing and the sleepless night thing, you were there with me. We would spend hours a day lying in bed together. Nursing, snuggling, and when you were older I would pull you in bed with me in the morning and hand you a spatula and you would happily chew on that next to me and kick your legs while I woke up slowly.
Almost everytime I nursed you as a baby, I would pull a giant blanket or quilt around us and make a sort of cocoon that we would be relax into. I wanted you to feel the most safe and loved you could feel.
I remember the night before your first birthday. I was just gripped with this fear of you growing up. I rocked you to sleep that night and held you for the longest time, like an hour and a half, just snuggling you and praying over you, and asking time to stop. I didn't want that first year to be over.
We were on a blissful high, your dad and I with you. You were a little third wheel. We went on walks to downtown salem street most nights. Showing you the train, giving you a taste of icecream. You never slept great at nights but after awhile, that was just our new normal and it was ok. We were best friends, the three of us and it was such a sweet time.
And now you're five. And we had a party to celebrate. Five years of parenthood, survival, learning on you and loving on you.
We're still best friends. You make me laugh so much with your quirky old man humor, your insights into things that we just assume someone your age is oblivious to. Your dad and I have to spell out some of our conversations (which we won't be able to do much longer) but you hate not knowing what we're talking about and you'll instantly ask us, "soooo, what did you just say?".
You are loved by so many. Your family, your friends, your Sunday school teachers and Y workers. Everyone seems to get a kick out of you. While you do have some sass that popped up this year that we're trying to help you restrain, you have the sweetest heart towards younger kids and your baby sister. I hope your heart always stays this tender and innocent and I know God is going to use your softness for His good.
Every year you get older I want you to know this. You.Are.Loved. You were wanted and you are a child of God. And He already knows his plans for you and I'm guessing they're pretty big.
As you start school this year, I want you to learn and grow but I also want you to look out for others. For the kid that no one really plays with, for the one that is quiet and shy or homesick. You are a natural leader and I pray you learn how to make the kids feel included when they're feeling akward.
We love you son. We are proud of you and I think this is going to be a great year for you. When I asked you what you were most excited about turning five, you said, "I just think I'm so big. Like I'm just so huge and big now." You are, but you are still my baby Fin.
Love,
Your Mama
I LOVE THIS. So sweet! Happy 5th birthday Fin!!
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