Radio

It was going to be just us for the evening. As Pat and Fin scootered away towards the neighborhood pool (literally, they were on scooters with backpacks on), I had big plans to make brownies to surprise them for when they got home. Cole could help me dump the package in and he could lick the WHOLE spatula, not just one side. I was looking forward to our sweet time together.
But the second Cole saw his beloved brother and dad disappear it was melt down city. Since I try to be a lady and not curse :o) we'll just say that the coley bear hit the fan. The fact that he traded his normal 3 hour nap for a 10 minute one today was oh so evident.
So I wrestled him into PJ's amidst his protests, draped his favorite blankey over my shoulder and sat down in his rocker to cuddle him. Since he stopped nursing, Cole rarely is just still on my shoulder. But tonight he sank into me, quietly sobbing, totally beyond himself. I started humming his favorite songs and quietly the sobs stopped and were replaced with a quiet, "No". Cole has always preferred that I be his radio and will let me sing a song for only a few seconds before he decidedly says, "No" and I have to move onto a new song. It's pretty challenging to think of that many songs on a moments notice, let me tell you.
He allowed me to sing Twinkle, Twinkle as long as I desired. Slowly his breathing became more rhythmic. His little hand clutched my earring in my left ear as I pushed the rocker back and forth with my Converse sneaker on the footstool. As his quiet snores started, I stopped singing and started praying over him.
That God would use Cole's strong will for Him. That He would guide me in how to parent him best. Thanking Him for that needed quiet moment. Asking for patience in this season of toddler hood.
Because in a blink, this baby/toddlerness will be gone. I can tell already as I rub his little back how much he is growing. How long his little body is getting as he's draped on me.
When I began to start falling asleep, I carried him over and laid him down softly. So it still was a sweet night with Cole, just different then what I had envisioned. And now that I'm painfully aware of how big he is getting...I really need a brownie.